


It is you what i want to see when i wake up

by Soulinwordss



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Cuddling & Snuggling, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, Kuroo Tetsurou-centric, M/M, Sleep Deprivation, Sleeping Together, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:26:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25040860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulinwordss/pseuds/Soulinwordss
Summary: Kuroo has been dealing with sleep paralysis since his mother died and now he has to spend a few day alone in his house.(Or when Kuroo can't sleep and Bokuto comes to help)
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and coments are super apreciated!!  
> This is like my "first" fic so if you have any advices i would be so grateful. Also, I warn you that English is not my first language!

He can feels it.

Kuroo can feels how two eyes are staring at him in the dark while he can't move any of his muscles. His breath is becoming faster and faster until he move his arm from the pillow to the bed and, then, the look at his back affirming that no one was here. 

Kenma places one of his hands on his childhood friend chest and tell him to do the breath exercise to calm down.

"Are you ok?" The smaller one ask, whispering because it is late but, it doesn't make sense since they are alone.

"Yeah...I'm...I'm sorry for waking you up" Kuroo lies in his father's bed and kenma goes back to his position. He didn't really get why his dad bought a matrimonial bed but now he is happy with that, in this way they can sleep together. "It's been a while since i had one." He said turning to see his friend face to face.

Kenma nods "i don't care staying these weeks, really" he said, but letting go a sight. 

"Nah, don't worry. I'll be okay" Well he isn't that sure. When his father tell him that he is gonna spend a week out, Kenma was the one who offered to stay in his house although the idea of being outside his comfort zone for a long time doesn't convince him, it was with Kuroo. Kuroo has became part of his comfort zone. But, he was tired. Kenma is a lonely person, he likes to be with himself and his games, and he wanted to be alone. His social battery was so low and, then, Kuroo's father called for announcing he will be gonne for a couples days more. Kenma was about to cry but Kuroo tell him that he can go home. It was obvious, the nekoma's capitain wasn't stupid and he knew that Kenma was doing a hard effort.

"You know, if you can't, call me. I'm gonna put my phone with sound all night. Or in the worst case you can stay in my house, you know" That was an option, but Kuroo was studying for his exams: he stay late at night and have a lot of books text. In addition, he doesn't want to annoy all the Kozume family. And, yes, he thought of inviti someone else like Yaku or Kai but, they aren't that close or that is what he thinks. Of course he would be happy with these two but, maybe they'll feel uncomfortable with that.

What about Bokuto? Well, it is not easy to ask the person you are in love to sleep with you.

"Awww you're so kind to me, kittyyyy" With those words he reduces the seriousness in the environment and takes the pillows to return at his usual position. He looks at his friend again who seems to be pensive, like feeling guilty. "You're a really good frien Kenma, I'm glad i have you"

Kuroo waches how his neighbor was playing a videogame throw his window. It was the first night sleeping alone and, well, it wasn't that bad. 

It wasn't that bad until he feels that again. Kuroo turns the lights up really quickly, just when he can move again. Checking that he was alone while doing the breath exercises so he won't end up with a panic attack. It has been ages since he has one two nights in a row but this time he can't go to sleep with his father or Kenma. Shit. Kuroo was scared as fuck. 

He knows that if he keep thinking in this he won't sleep and he would waste his time so he made a conclusion. It's better to pass the night studying and having his mind in something different that the fear.


	2. Tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember: English is not my first language, all the advices and corrections are welcome.  
> Kudos and comments are super appreciated!

"Kuroo, you look like hell" Kuroo heard the 4th night after he spends alone.

"Thanks, you're a sweetheart" Yaku reaises his eyebrows. He stops in front the captain of his volleyball team, forcing him to stop. Kuroo rolls his eyes with a sigh. "What?"

"We're just worried" Kai take his usual position when they two start arguing. "These days your eye bags are getting darker and darker" 

"I understand that the exams are near, but, shit, you have time and i know you don't need to stay all the night studying... yet" The smaller crosses his arms on his chest, waiting for an explanation. 

"You're worried, okay." Kuroo was tired. He was sleeping 2-3 hours at night and his paralysis is getting worse. He doesn't want to explain that, when his mother died -something that he isn't going to talk about-, he started to see her... Not in a good way. He saw her in the darkness, leaning over him or at his side. But it wasn't like her: she was so big and skinny, her skin was so pale and her hair messier. In conclusion, she was so scary. At the beginning, he felt guilty, it was his own mother, but he couldn't help to start screaming when that was over. He doesn't want to explain that even at his 17 year old, he keeps going to sleep with his father when that happens. Or that he has his hair like that because sleeping on his stomach covering his ears with two pillows makes him feels more secure and at least, he wouldn't seer or hear her. He just don't want to explain that he is afraid of sleep. "It is none of your business. Sorry if that sounds mean, but.."

"Excuse me?" It sounds louder that he wanted and now all the team is starring at the 3rd years. 

"Is everything all right?" Nekomata and the younger coach come, with a serious expression. 

"Yeah, don't wor-"

"No, it is not!" Yaku lower his voice but it is still audible for the people who were interested in the conversation. "He looks so tired, he didn't make any scientific appointed and he wasn't playing attention in the classes. It is obvious that he isn't sleeping at all, and I'm not talking about going late to bed."

"Yeah, i noticed that you aren't in all your senses." The second coach tells him while Kuroo feels like he could start crying right here. 

"Let's talk outside, come on" 

Kuroo tries to look for Kenma, just to look at him, but instead of the big golden eyes that transmits so much calm, he finds the worried expression in Lev's face.


	3. What less for who helps me take the team to the nationals?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember: English is not my first language so any advices or corrections are welcome!

Outside, the sun hits hard. Nekomata send Yaku and Kai back to the training so they can continue the rutine. 

"I'm going to be clear, this isn't about volleyball and it doesn't affect the team." The younger of the three mans is the first starting the conversation, wishing that it is going to be short. 

"Well, if this is the case, we shouldn't waste our time..." Naoi says, opening the door.

"You can go back, but we are going to have a conversation" Obviously, the second part of his sentence was referring to Kuroo, who looks at the other man. 

"Okay, i will help there" Then, Naoi just enters at the gym leaving the captain and the coach alone.

"Will you be more comfortable with just me?" That question really catch him out of guard. 

"Huh?"

"I have been coaching for a long time, you know. And three years of this time was with you." Nekomata takes a sit, indicating that it won't be a short conversation. "These three years i've seen your growth and i have the enough time to know you. Maybe you didn't notice, but i know when some of you is having a hard time. I'm only a coach, so, there's no much that i can do but, if i notice that there is some way to help..." In that moment, their gazes collided in a warm way, reminding Kuroo of his grandfather. 

"Hu-h, we know. Like, Lev told me about how you help him. And, well, it was kinda obvious" 

"HAHAHA! Anyway, it wasn't a secret." Without stop smiling, Nekomata puts a more serious tone. "I noticed a few times that you weren't doing fine, but i wasn't able to do anything. Is this time different?"

"No, it isn't. I appreciate th-"

"You said that your problems doesn't affect the team, didn't you?" Now, he wasn't smiling. "You're falling a lot, and it affects the team. Also, your teammates care about you, remember that. Not only you are being distracted, they can't concentrate either if their captain looks like he didn't sleep in days." Kuroo smiles at him. Sometimes he feels like nobody looks at him and those words really makes his heart warm. "Maybe i can't help you, but there has to be someone who can. Am i wrong?"

"Thanks you, really." The coach stands up.

"What less for who helps me take the team to the nationals?"

When they entered at the gym, Nekomata said that the practice will be free so everyone started to scream with happiness. Kuroo gave him a smile which response was a nod. 

While he was blocking with Lev the trough of asking Yaku or Kai for staying in his house crossed his mind a few times but then, he realized that if he practice the enough, he will be dead when he get home. And, if he has a paralysis he would just call Kenma. Everything is going to be okay, he convinced himself. 

At the end of the day, Kuroo almost faint in the sofa. He didn't even take the pillows. He didn't even have the energy to move to his usual position. He just slept in the sofa, face up and wearing his clothes. 

It wasn't bad, it's been a while since he slept with a normal position. 

But, now, he feels how some hair was caressing his noise. When he opens his eyes, the only part of his body that he can move, he sees a skinny, tall and black haired woman leaning over him. Her mouth is open and it looks like she wants to scream. It isn't hard to notice that, the woman was his mother.


	4. Fuck.

"Are you feeling better?" These words came from Kenma's mom interrupting the silent that his house get after Kuroo started to stabilize his breath. 

"Y-yeah. Sorry for... waking you up." He can't help of feeling a bit embarrassed. When he could move, his mind started to play a trick. Memories and guilt filled his thoughts adding with the fear. It was obvious what was gonna happen. Kenma got up due to the sound of his phone (it was really late if Kenma was awake) and just listen his friend crying on the other side of the line, he ran to his neighbor's house. His mother wake up when ge closed the door, and she went to check having a bad feeling. 

"Don't worry, you're not bothering us. I'm glad that you call me." Kenma says. When he entered at the house, he heard Kuroo at his living room. Kuroo don't even know in what moment he called Kenma. Now, he knows that it was at the beginning of the panic attack. "Come on, you will sleep in my house." 

"But-"

"Tomorrow, well, today, is Saturday. You usually spend the Friday's night at my house, there's no difference, okay?" Kuroo gasp when he realized that it was Saturday early morning. The lack of sleep really affects at him, he didn't even know what day if was. 

Although he was in Kenma's room, that he wasn't alone, Kuroo can't sleep. The previous events continue to reproduce in his head. Trying to get distracted, he entered in his latest messages to see if there's something new. He smile when he sees that there are many from his teammates asking him if he was doing okay.

𝙔𝙖𝙠𝙠𝙪𝙣: you'll better sleeping well or on Monday i will kill you so you can rest in peace. 

𝙆𝙖𝙞: you seem to be better after the conversation with the coach but you know if you need something just tell us!!

𝙇𝙚𝙫: my sister says that she puts pickles in her eyes for dark circles maybe that'll help u (?)

Kuroo keeps scrolling until he finds his last chat with Bokuto. Sometimes, when he feels down, he does that. Reading his conversations cheers him a lot. They can spend hours talking about stupid things but thay also talk a lot about serious things, normally they will call each other if the conversation get deeper. When he opens the chat he reads the messages.

𝘽𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙪𝙩𝙤: can i go earlier??  
Like at 17:00 or something.  
We'll need more time.  
Maths are going to kill me :(

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ -no problem bro <3

Fuck.  
Today he was going to meet Bokuto at his own house.


	5. Photographs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and coments help a lot! English is not my native language.

"Brooo, i always forget how far was your house from the train station" Bokuto enters in his friend house like it was his own. It wasn't the first time that he goes here, he loves to go to Kuroo's house: it smells like Kuroo and there are a few pictures with Kuroo when he was a child. He notices that in the older ones Kuroo had a normal hair and a brillant smile. That smile doesn't appear until that photo of him and Kenma where they were playing volleyball (kuroo told him the story behind it). He notices too that his mother stopped appearing in the family's photos as his hair became a bedhead. The first time that Bokuto went to Kuroo's house he almost asked for his mother, but he remembered when someone asked for his dog after he died so he stopped himself to create an uncomfortable environment. Other than that, he just loves to go to his house. Maybe it is because Bokuto feels more connected to Kuroo here. 

"Does that mean that you want a glass of water?" The Nekoma captain moves to his kitchen knowing that Bokuto is following him. "If it is poisoned, it isn't my fault."

"Look i prefer to die by a poisoned water than for dehydration." When he returns the glass to the house owner, Bokuto stops to just look at the dark circles that are on his friend's face. "Are you sleeping well?" The question simply leaves his lips without thinking about it. He doesn't regret it, though. "You look like.... veeeery tired."

"Wow, thanks you." Kuroo smiles mockingly at him. "I'm just studying a lot and volleyball things, don't worry." He knows that the Fukurodani's captain were going to ask him that. "I'm alone, we can study in the living room. "

"Okay..." Bokuto isn't too convince with that response, but he prefers to not push him. They were friends for almost theer years, but it feels like they were all their liver together. And he knows that Kuroo hates being pushed. "You still looking like a model, don't worry"

"I know, it is impossible to remove my essence" A cocky sentence to hide how his heart just flipped away.

"Do you know who could be a real model? Lev's sister! She has a great factions. Well, Lev too, but he still looking like a child..." Bokuto sits near the tallest while he rummages in his backpack."Look, this is the exercise that i told you. Tell me that it is easy and i will-"

"It is easy"

"I'm done."

They spend the day studying, just stopping for some snacks and going back. It is getting dark outside and the fear in Kuroo is getting bigger. He almost asked Bokuto to stay a few times. Bokuto notices how Kuroo rubbed his eyes and that when he closed his eyes he looked like was going to fall asleep. 

"Are you finish?" Bokuto asks as he sees the bedheaded guy closing his books. "Let me finish this and i will be donne too."

"Do you know when is the last train, don't you?" 

"Yeaaah, we have an hour yet."

"..'kay" Kuroo felt on his sofa waiting the other to finish. He tells himself that closing his eyes won't cause anyproblem. 

Obviously, he falls asleep.


End file.
